In all honesty, it took me a while to narrow
down what I was imagining in my head and make it into something visual, something
that accompanied the music that was playing from the speakers of my laptop.
I knew what the music was making me feel, but it was indeed hard to
describe, let alone make into reality. What it eventually narrowed down
to was the feeling of searching--searching for something lost or forgotten.
Trying to find one's self and reflecting on the past. This song
became one of reflection, of longing for the past, with its dream-like melody,
and moments of faster pace.
The melody that begins the song starts off slow,
with low notes that are often treated with the company of higher notes. The way that the melody winds its way down
into a sadder melody seems like a progression into thought, into memory. It could even be the thought of regret and
past mistakes, that if we could go back, we would fix them. Often when thinking of the past, or even
being haunted by the past, you are not there in the present. You are not present in what is happening, but
rather just going through the motions, with your mind back in times that have
passed. When I was taking these pictures,
I was hoping to capture that absence that can be felt when reflecting on what
could have been changed in the past.
That is why I chose to make the pictures black and white. If the characters in my head were not present
mentally, then I wanted their reality to lack the color it would have if they
were there. I thought the woods would be
a good setting, as if they are on a journey to overcome the past, a journey to
find what they have forgotten.
I wanted to include a few shots closer to the face, or rather the brain.
I was hoping to convey that sense of thought, of being inside one’s own
head. I kept thinking about Dillard's "Seeing", when she described seeing things anew once again, finding joy in the small details of nature and of things not really noticed before. There is so much depth to the human face, to expression or lack thereof. I wanted to find those small details, to try and look at an expression like I have never seen it before. The sounds of the slow ballad
being played sounded to me like someone rummaging through their own thoughts,
reflecting in a sense. Closer to the
face, it is clear to see they are in deep thought, that the gears in their
heads are working to the steady pace of the music.
Often when I think on the past, I
feel that I scroll through the memories in a giant rush. That is why I wanted to include some pictures
that were slightly blurry, that had been taken while in motion, to represent
the sensation of looking back into the past, of making that mental journey
back. I could imagine this clearly when
I listened to the parts of the song that have upbeat notes being played quickly
after one another. There is also more of
a hopeful feel as these notes go up the scale, a growing sensation of hope, and
of acceptance.
The end of the song has a nice,
quiet resolution, as if the character has come to terms with the memories and
thoughts in their head. Some are
fleeting like the pictures in motion, while others roam tirelessly through the
woods trying to find a sense of peace, or figure themselves out. I thought photography would be the best to
show this, as it allows the artist to capture someone and their emotions right
there in the moment. Like memories, I
wanted to be able to capture these emotions, emotions that I felt while
listening to a song that so plainly to me was full of emotion. This dreamy song became my ballad for memory,
for coming to terms with the past and then being able to face the future
because of that knowledge.
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